i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
