I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
