Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
