o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
