He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
