if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
