The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
