I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
