I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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