thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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