i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
