dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
