i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
