I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize