I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
