She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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