Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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