you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
as a side note pls kill me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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