Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
