i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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