im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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