Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
