I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
