Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
