I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
