her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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