i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
