Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
