dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
