Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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