His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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