Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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