when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
