Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
