fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
