did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
now i know why i became what i already was.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
