The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
