Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
