all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
