walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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