NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
