I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
