I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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