he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
