I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
