you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
