My Higher Power is John Stamos
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
