If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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