Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You made out with two different species that night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
