you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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