You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
