so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
