I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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