Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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