I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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