You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
