I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
