I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
