I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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