Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
