A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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