I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
