Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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