loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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