High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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