You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
